God I love recursive shit. “Singles”, a three-minute cartoon by Rebecca Sugar, is about a little universe with heavy recursion. It’s about a guy who lives in his own stomach.
If I did what the main character did, halfway through, I wouldn’t know how to get back home. That’s how dumb I am. I’d check my phone for a cheat code.
Reddit keeps making good threads, we keep picking out the best parts. This time it’s consumer horror stories. Remember that any of these could be fake.
Radbrad7 asked Reddit: What is your “never again” brand, item, store, or restaurant?
There are a lot of typical whines — PayPal, Zynga, Ticketmaster, HP, Geek Squad — that got major upvotes because everyone knows those brands suck. Also, your dog food is killing your dog. But we’re gonna focus on the weird, funny and interesting stories.
Pandorus hits us with Mega-Bloks-level hatestalgia:
RoseArt…I mean fuck do they make their crayons out of earwax?
Jwestmaxx replies that RoseArt was particularly awful for colorblind kids, since it didn’t label the crayons. Others speculate that there was a paperclip rod embedded in each scratchy crayon.
Vranak offers advice:
Never trust a company that substitutes a Z for an S.
Alpackabackapacka still left a nice tip:
Applebee’s. Got a shard of ceramic plate in my ice cream dessert thing and it sliced and diced the inside of my mouth. I was drooling blood before I really noticed. Didn’t hurt much but the manager asked if I had bit the plate (the fuck?) and only gave me a 10% off coupon for my next dessert there. Cheeky asshat.
Suelinaa replies:
Once the manager of Applebee’s came around and asked how the food was. I said “Actually, not that good.” He shrugged, replied “Eh, it’s Applebee’s, it happens” and walked away.
As South Park taught us, comedy isn’t about jokes any more. It’s about saying “Awkward!”
There were so many reasons to think I’d hate this: the guy put up a poster of Bill Hicks and he’s wearing a t-shirt of Louis C.K. — is that egotistical or karma-whoring? Plus he’s rapping about “your” vs. “you’re”, a pretty worn-out subject.
But Mac Lethal — the rapid rapper (kill me) who slammed Chris Brown while flipping pancakes and got 23 million views — is so sharp and swift that he transcends “lol nerd rap” novelty, and his authenticity-signaling hero worship fits fine with the rest of his heavy referentiality.
Also, he’s rapping over Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”.
Almost Politically Correct Redneck loves Mexicans because they’re the best dishwashers. He thinks Barack Obama is a pretty cool colored person. He’s the perfect symbol of our nation’s current awkward transition to more enlightened social mores.
Here are the best examples of this new meme, plus a few of my own.
The editor of Academic Coach Taylor, a blog of encouragement and ass-kicking for academics based on the main character of Friday Night Lights, is a Ph.D. candidate working in gender studies and media studies. ACT has smart opinions. Here’s one:
Wednesday, May 9, BuzzFeed posted a screenshot aggregation article titled “39 Ways Men Use Pinterest”. What followed was an all-too-obvious collection of boards like “Food I want My wife to Cook” (white chocolate cupcakes with truffle filling!) and “Things I’d like my wife to wear” (Xena-style mini skirt and bra separates!) and one particularly gay-tastic board of drag-queen-worthy pumps, “Shoes I Wish My Wife Would Wear” (srsly, bro?).
Was there ever a clearer indication, the Internet howled, of the piggishness of men?
A year ago, Dean Lauderdale lip-synched the 50 worst video game voice performances and got almost a million views. Last week he posted his fourth video of video game lip-synchs. They have not gotten less funny.
I like how TV shows let us know if a show is about girls. Two Broke Girls, The New Girl, Girls. Just like all those guy shows! Everyone Loves That Raymond Guy, Spin City of Guys, Frasier (He’s a Guy).
Though I could just be Black History Monthing it. Like, including a description of the character could always be a thing, but suddenly we’ve got three shows with “girls” in the title and I sound like a racist uncle asking “Why isn’t there a white history month? Where’s white entertainment television?” Easy dude, they’re historically underrepresented.
I guess there’s Two and a Half Men. Or they put the name of someone, often a dude, in the title. King of Queens. Seinfeld. Frasier. It’s OK. It’s about a dude. Nobody freaked out.
I guess there was Caroline in the City and The Mary Tyler Moore Show and I’ll let myself out, thanks.
Taking a video but pretending to take a photo is a very old, very common prank. But Dean Fleischer-Camp is Jenny Slate’s husband and the co-creator of Marcel the Shell With Shoes On, so he does it best. Especially to Jenny.
Greg Rutter, ad writer and lister of things you should have seen, posted the first video from definitely-deliberately-bad rapper Krispy Kreme with a caption implying they were “real”. The following email conversation ensued.
Nick: There’s no way Krispy Kreme are serious.
Greg: Absolutely serious. It’s art! My fiancée watched it and laughed just as hard as I did. That doesn’t happen!
Nick: We should make a public gentleman’s bet. Loser has to star in some animated GIFs?
Greg: Deal! Wait, what kind of GIF? Oh god what have I gotten myself into? Also I’m very drunk.
What kind of GIF? I do not know. Suggestions are welcome below. »
Krispy Kreme, the rural rapper from the million-view April hit “The Baddest”, already has a second music video out. This time he credits his silent partner “Money Maker Mike.”
Sample line: “Have you ever been to the county fair? / I rode the Fireball and I wasn’t even scared.”
Watch Krispy Kreme’s Karl-Pilkington-level-hilarious music video. »
Everyone on the FX show Archer tends toward chaotic neutral, so I mapped them out on two different axes: Niceness and competence.
The following isn’t timely; a lot of you have known it for two decades. Too bad.
I didn’t watch much Fresh Prince so I forgot about Hilary’s boyfriend Trevor, who proposed to her while bungee-jumping on live TV, and how that turned out.
Aggravatingly, embedding is disabled. So click and watch the video, then come back.
Ha ha ha! What funny slapstick! He fell to the ground! Aunt Viv tries to hide it from Ashley! They keep running jokes after the accident. Comedy! Laughtrack!
Turns out Trevor died. Cool prayers, Uncle Phil.
While Hilary was playing dumb about the President so we could keep laughing, her boyfriend was dead. She just watched him die on live television. Later she brings back the wrong ashes from the crematorium, where he was presumably sent because his earth-buffeted body was too mangled for a proper burial.
This is a story all about how her life got flipped, turned upside down. She’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, she’ll tell you how she became queen of a town called despair.
Redditor grubbzter wrote two weeks ago in /r/funny: “Pick a movie, remove one letter, give a brief description. I’ll start: Harry Otter. Early 80′s porno featuring an excessively hairy man.”
Replies came in. They were good. I’ve picked the best — jokes with an unexpected twist and a well-written description.
Pollo 13: The gripping true story of a Spanish chicken stranded in space and NASA’s unrelenting effort to bring him safely home.
S7en: Brad Pitt is a swedish detective.
Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dad: The exact same movie as Mrs. Doubtfire.
Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s DEA: Four kids go undercover to bust their drug-dealing parents.
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