At last night’s live 4chan variety show, editor Nick Douglas’s girlfriend Rachel Fershleiser read a poem she’d written, an internet version of Go the Fuck to Sleep. Some of these links are super-NSFW, with sound.

You’ve seen every advice dog on Tumblr
And Portal has beeped its last beep.
The redditors logged off, the 4channers silenced,
Now please for fuck’s sake come to sleep.

You’ve checked Xtube and YouPorn and Bangbus.
There’s nothing left to which to fap.
The Suicide Girls start to all look the same.
Let’s at least take a short fucking nap?

I don’t care if that slut’s a cum dumpster.
Yes I see they’re all newfags and sheep.
Son, I am disappoint. But mostly, I’m tired.
Stop fucking around now and sleep.

A stiletto’s stuck straight through his penis.
Two tentacles, up her twat, creep.
But you cannot unsee coprophilia
So give the fuck up now and sleep.

I’m sure all the kid porn’s just “humor”.
And his grandma loves giving him head.
I’m get it, I’m cool, I ain’t mad, bro.
It’s just fucking time now for bed.

I’m sorry they’re dox-ing your best friend.
I rage and I lose and I weep.
I liked My Little Pony before you were born
Yes Problem, you fuck – come to sleep.