Have you ever seen an online resume that made you believe you could do anything? Below is a video CV from an actual CEO who has a ton of experience in… something? I don’t know, you guys, I think he has definitely done things and they are as motivational as they are explicitly stated.

Here’s the play-by-play:

0:01 Is that the perfect manager? No. It’s a cartoon head. Is it one of the first things you see when you google image search “manager icon”? Yes.

0:04 Oh, I get it. You’re filling in his bust with buzzwords. (His neck is made of “And”)

0:15 Inventive AND innovative? Please go on AND continue!

0:18 AGH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WORDS??? Are they a man now?

0:20 Yes! We get to hear this song again!

0:30 Oh good, he can sustain crisis situations.

0:34 “Creative a goal oriented”? I hate to be a “small picture person” but even if you meant “creative and goal oriented” that sentence still sounds crazy.

0:38 More video CVs with cartoon dogs making dollar signs out of cigar smoke, please.

0:43 Experience across all disciplines! Red cars, white cars! Helicopters! Jeeps! Motorcycles being driven by the word “Experience”!

0:55 Financial management is just arranging clip art on a page, right? Also, is that a price gun in the middle of the bottom row? For finances?

1:00 BEHOLD THE SENTIENT TRACTOR

1:04 I like that buildings are thinking of industry, and then “Marketing” comes from behind and knocks it down! Yeah, thought bubble word fight!

1:07 The product’s inventions? Like, the products had inventions? Maybe this guy invented a robot that invented a smaller robot that he then patented? And then a big light bulb was there too?

1:10 This has got to be the weirdest closing to a sales pitch that has ever existed. The chair is a metaphor for a sweet job, right? Assuming the best job isn’t a lounge chair or a hammock.

Think about what you just watched. What did you actually learn about this person? I really only remember a bunch of clip art and buzz words zooming around a PowerPoint presentation. There’s something comforting in knowing that you didn’t learn a single thing. That means you didn’t have to forget anything to make room for any new information! Thanks, business dude!

I guess overall this video’s cute but completely self-unaware and not to be taken seriously, like when a little kid asks a grown woman to marry him. This video may as well be wearing a pair of OshKosh B’Gosh overalls and waving a G.I. Joe around while making spaceship noises.

Is it the best video CV ever recorded? I don’t know, but at the very least, it should be enough To fill this chair.