https://twitter.com/#!/jkubicek/status/177460882614403072

https://twitter.com/#!/olhnso/status/177461284659400704

https://twitter.com/#!/max_read/status/177462291799867392

“One more thing… STEVE’S NOT DEAD!” says Tim Cook waving his arms in the air like Kermit the Frog.

— Mike Monteiro (@Mike_FTW) March 7, 2012

The Apple team is really good at Powerpoint.

— Eric Spiegelman (@ericspiegelman) March 7, 2012

https://twitter.com/#!/robinsloan/status/177462742968582144

New iPad features far superior display resolution, speed for leaving vulgar uninformed ad-hominem comments on blog posts.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 7, 2012

New iPad capable of displaying stats about Jeremy Lin. #linsanity #thenewipad

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 7, 2012

Longer iPad battery life just means I’m less likely to charge it and more likely to be out of batteries

— Ross Mayfield (@Ross) March 7, 2012

Mandatory four second standing ovation at Foxconn factory. But they were already standing. Now back to work. #notreally #thenewipad

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 7, 2012

Tim Cook confirms LTE networks will “definitely” give “literally everyone cancer,” 4G models on sale March 16 starting at $629

— Alex Pareene (@pareene) March 7, 2012

Apple unveils the iPad Garfield™. Only app is Random Garfield Comic. Doesn’t work on Mondays. “I love Garfield,” says Tim Cook.

— stocking steffer(@boring_as_heck) March 7, 2012

Do we have to pay extra for the cruelty-free iPads

— Eric Spiegelman (@ericspiegelman) March 7, 2012

I’m still boycotting Apple products until I can stop buying them.

— Lucky Shirt (@luckyshirt) March 7, 2012

A baby born today will never see a pixel

— Benedict Evans (@BenedictEvans) March 7, 2012

Apple owns all the retina mines in sub-Saharan Africa. Concerns rise about hitting “peak retina.”

— Eric Spiegelman (@ericspiegelman) March 7, 2012

Millions of white people piss and shit themselves as Apple introduces the iKony.

— stocking steffer(@boring_as_heck) March 7, 2012

oh there is a new ipad? i thought all those cameras out front were about me

— leighalexander (@leighalexander) March 7, 2012

There’s your big news: A NEW INFINITY BLADE

— Nicholas Carlson (@nichcarlson) March 7, 2012

SHHH! People! They’re about to talk about an update to iWork!

— Tim Carmody (@tcarmody) March 7, 2012

Barack Obama is your new iPad.

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 7, 2012

iPad? More like iPaid! A bunch of money! Expensive! Wow! More gems like this at Twitter dot com slash spergers.

— Brendans Tender Nips (@80want) March 7, 2012

Holy shit!The iPad 3 just released the iPad 4!

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 7, 2012

iPhoto looks brilliant.

— John Gruber (@gruber) March 7, 2012