Something happened in the world, so it’s time for a Slacktory roundup of the jokes about it.

Warning: If you’re not happy about this event, you’ll want to stop reading and go fuck yourself.

Fox Nation: ‘Obama Urges Citizens to Prepare Their Anus’

— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) May 9, 2012

Shirtless, drunk-with-power Joe Biden spotted on roof of Naval Observatory, shouting commands at pedestrians below.

— delrayser (@delrayser) May 9, 2012

This isn’t always a Republican vs Democrat issue, Michelle Bachmann thought it was legal to marry a gay man for years.

— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) May 9, 2012

https://twitter.com/terrybain/status/200323776322355201

https://twitter.com/morgan_murphy/status/200325106520690688

https://twitter.com/terrybain/status/200327696855728128

https://twitter.com/matthewbaldwin/status/200316250184880129

http://twitter.com/#!/johnmoe/status/200341678035439616

https://twitter.com/mattselman/status/200343933954428929

https://twitter.com/luckyshirt/status/200345831063302146

https://twitter.com/borowitzreport/status/200338869416230912

https://twitter.com/morgan_murphy/status/200321460055715841

https://twitter.com/ihnatko/status/200306310389047296

https://twitter.com/choire/status/200334369339092992

https://twitter.com/jaredlogan/status/200333562585677825

https://twitter.com/candywarhole/status/200321137039769600

https://twitter.com/interdome/status/200335861315928064

https://twitter.com/giromide/status/200326906640465920

https://twitter.com/friedmanjon/status/200332675108712448

https://twitter.com/zachweiner/status/200341761548238852

https://twitter.com/publicroad/status/200325715567181824

https://twitter.com/tylercoates/status/200329334500753409

https://twitter.com/phyllisstein/status/200324251570548736

https://twitter.com/sween/status/200326386416754688

https://twitter.com/gpappalardo/status/200322225285509120

https://twitter.com/johnholdun/status/200323062644736001

https://twitter.com/julieklausner/status/200321671243108353

https://twitter.com/#!/serafinowicz/status/200314757469831168

http://twitter.com/#!/toomuchnick/status/200333406016516096

https://twitter.com/athenabelz/status/200336163330998274

https://twitter.com/secretsquirrel/status/200351783162347520

https://twitter.com/alieward/status/200352291042242560