Steve Roggenbuck has a legitimately wake-the-hell-up, drink-some-coffee-we’re-gonna-win-today motivational message. And it’s made of lines like “Get me in control of ABC Family, and I will fuck this country up!”

This is brilliantly self-effacing but not self-deflating motivation for the cynical and overly-aware. This shit will break through your crusts and you’ll blast some music and you’ll kick various asses. Watch it every morning.