Famously bad YouTube rapper Krispy Kreme has a new video out, “Stolen Bikes”. It’s slick, but still adorably homemade, and it builds on the narrative of James (who kidnapped Money Mike in “Best Friends”). And it’s probably the moment the media discovers what hip-hop fans have known for weeks now: Krispy Kreme is a hoax.
How believable was it that Krispy Kreme was really a semi-illiterate hick? How could lyrics like “Even if you had infinity knives, I would punch you up into the air like a kite” not be intentionally goofy, the work of a comedian doing a rap joke?
I always assumed so, but intelligent internet-appreciators like writer Greg Rutter took Krispy Kreme as legit, and Know Your Meme, Wikipedia and Best Week Ever never suggested a hoax. (Though the Huffington Post’s Andres Juaregui suspected something.)
So I started to believe there really was a mouth-breathing rural rapper who was just accidentally entertaining. Stupidity was a magical power superior to talent, and some day the only working comedians would be unintentional ones.
Meanwhile a collection of, uh, rap detectives discovered Krispy’s real name, Tyler Cassidy. They found a newsletter from The Flint Journal listing Tyler (under a picture of a guy who’s clearly Krispy Kreme) as the valedictorian of his high school class, with a 3.95 grade average. So he’s not from Alabama, and he’s not dumb enough to think “You smell like a fart” is the best possible insult in a rap song.
I don’t know who first discovered Tyler, but the news spread around the bowels of the internet, like obscure spam blogs, the Odd Future message board, hot-babe-pics blog The Dirty, a Tyler Cassidy Facebook group, and an actually quite popular YouTube video. Someone even tracked down his Michigan home address and (disconnected) phone number.
Tyler may also have made non-joke rap songs under his own name. A commenter on Krispy’s “Fight for your dreams” video caught him saying “you fight and you crawl”. A rap song allegedly by Tyler includes the lyrics “I scrape, I crawl, I bleed for this / I fight, I brawl, I feed on this”:
There are two more Tyler Cassidy tracks on the same YouTube account. They’re all far more eloquent than Krispy Kreme. And I can’t tell if that voice could come from the same person. If it did, this kid’s a fucking master.
Here’s Krispy’s newest video, “Stolen Bikes”:
The top comment on the new song:
This guy is such a genius. I mean, think about it. At first, everyone thinks it’s this redneck kid who makes bad raps. But as most people know now, Krispy Kreme (Tyler Cassidy) is actually a ridiculously talented rapper (His old songs can support that) that has been playing us from the beginning. Notice how the quality of his videos improve significantly each time? He’s been planning to build up to his real talent. He took the smart route, the comedic route. I seriously give this guy props.
Damn right! If Krispy is actually a rap genius who’s been playing an act and raking in millions of views for it, then he can keep building the Krispy story, maybe Hannah-Montana this thing and do dual concerts, forever hoping his actual talent can one day outgrow the shadow of his fake lack of talent. A hard life for him! More entertainment for us!
Update: He already has a new video out. Jesus.
Update Jan 10, 2013:
Six months after the post above, Tyler changed his rap name to Froggy Fresh, claiming the donut company Krispy Kreme had fought his use of their trademark. But Tyler’s first music video as Froggy Fresh shows another good reason: Under a new name, Tyler can reveal how he’s actually a great rapper.
Tyler Cassidy now walks among us, a free man.
