Yahoo: Check your stock horoscope!
Nick: I need to fix my mom’s email, where do I do that?
Yahoo: See the smallest Chipotle scandal in the world!
Nick: Also have you seen my Flickr login?
Yahoo: Will this couple’s Simpsons-themed wedding proposal make you pay more at the pump?
Nick: I need to buy a beard trimmer.
Amazon: No prob! I’ll just go underpay a warehouse worker
Nick: Wait what?
Amazon: Nothing, hey, here’s your favorite book for one penny.
Nick: Oh man, that’s fantastic, thanks!
Amazon: We love to give you the lowest prices by evading taxes
Nick: Sorry, what was that bit?
Amazon: Haha you must have overheard me rigorously vetting third-party vendors or negotiating DRM-free downloads or making an app to treat indie bookstores as my showroom
Nick: I… I really want to like you, Amazon. But this feels sleazy.
Amazon: What are you gonna do, willingly pay more just because I remind you of Wal-Mart?
Nick: Of course not!
Amazon: Damn right. Now let’s get you bumped up to Prime, you cheaply bought whore
Nick: Hey, what’s that trope where cartoon characters say “razza frazza ragger jagger” instead of swearing?
TV Tropes: Here it is! And here are seventy fascinating related concepts.
Nick: I forget what I came here for, but I have an idea for a six-book story cycle based on the “rock music hardness scale” and Death in Meet Joe Black‘s love of peanut butter OH GOD WHAT YEAR IS IT
PP: My my, you’ve been invited to a party!
Nick: Yes, whose party is—
PP: Let’s open the card and see what it could be!
Nick: Listen is this on Facebook or somewh—
PP: My dear gentleman, you are cordially invited to “It’s My Dirty 30, bitchwhores” at the apartment share of Natasha Schachter. Répondez s’il vous plaît, and BYOB.
Nick: Nice tweet! I want to link to it.
Twitter: Click here, then click here!
Nick: Nice retweet! I want to see that user.
Twitter: Click here, then here, then here!
Nick: Nice — wait, what happened?
Twitter: Surprise! We changed how everything works just now.
Nick: But I just figured out how to use everything!
Twitter: Here’s what some uninformed people are saying about popular TV shows!
Nick: Wait, these aren’t the instructions I googled for. What are you actually useful for?
About: How to use a pencil.
Nick: That’s too easy.
About: Tips to become an art appraiser.
Nick: That’s too complicated.
About: Sending you to eHow.
Nick: What’s a “trumpstar”?
UD: It’s this thing when Caitlyn is a total bitch and everyone at Wiscasset Elementary knows she slept with Braden.
Nick: I… I think you made that up. What’s a “green hula hoop”?
UD: Yo boy dat’s when yo girl she’s spinnin in circles n da snot come flyin out her nose, it mad sexy