Fake Theme Park is a very studious novelty account. They’ve written nearly 3,000 jokes over the last couple of years. They stay on theme, they develop characters without alienating new readers, and they get topical.

They’re grossly underfollowed at about 2,500. Get in now, and they’ll give you an extra punch in your fiftieth-visit’s-free card!

It’s true! “We” have the “oldest” “operating” “wooden” “roller coaster”* in the world**!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) June 28, 2012

Princess Snowflake’s Scary Adventures will be closing forever today. She’ll still have scary adventures, but you won’t know about them.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) May 31, 2012

We’ve added Davy Crockett and Thomas Edison to the Hall of Presidents because nobody remembers who was President in the 1800′s!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) July 29, 2012

Please note that “Penguin Rampage” is not an attraction but an actual disaster occurring in the park right now.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) April 18, 2012

Please note that our simulator ride is currently simulating being broken.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) March 9, 2011

If you’re looking for our park on Apple Maps, please note that we appear as “Unclaimed County Territory Lots 86-124.”

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) September 29, 2012

Due to a scheduling error, today’s Birthday with a Princess will instead be hosted by Fred Bollings, Senior VP of International Branding!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) August 31, 2012

Due to complaints, we’ve replaced the animatronic “wench auction” scene with the more historically accurate “slave auction.”

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) July 26, 2012

Due to budget cuts, tonight’s fireworks show will consist of Cast Members throwing Christmas tree lights in the air.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) July 24, 2012

Are you a family of five looking for the best way to experience all we have to offer? Leave one child at home!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) July 15, 2012

Cast Members, please say that Burger Barn is closed for “repainting.” Not “scorpions.”

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) June 27, 2012

Princess Rainbow has a special message for little girls who want to grow up to be princesses: “Be at least 5′ 9″ and have a 22-inch waist.”

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) September 15, 2011

Please note that the jokes on Safari Cruise may not be funny in all cultures, including America.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) November 1, 2012

Big news — there are construction tarps over the Pegasus ride! If anyone knows who put them there, please let us know.

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) March 4, 2011

Are you a family of seven with children ranging in age from 10 months to 16 years old? Would you consider maybe going someplace else?

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) October 23, 2012

New hires must watch the documentary of our founder: “Murph Gantly: Visionary, Pioneer, and Sort of a Racist.” #parktraining

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) October 12, 2012

Goodbye, seasonal Halloween Cast Members and maze performers! Back on the prison bus!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) November 1, 2012

Yes, we’re open! The hurricane only knocked down three attractions! Wait…make that four. And now it’s five. Anyway, come visit!

— Fake Theme Park (@FakeThemePark) October 29, 2012

They also do longform! See the guide to Fake Theme Park’s princess characters. And there’s a whole new stream of jokes on the Facebook page.