Vrunt is highly imaginative. That’s pretty much all I know about him. Seems like that sums him up as a person, yep.

Why I oughta? – philosophical stooge

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 7, 2012

“ah, come in. i haven’t been expecting you.” the chair swivels round to reveal Yakov Smirnov in spanish inquisition garb.

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 16, 2012

‘baby its cold outside’ duet where the girl’s part is all screamed

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 21, 2012

im not saying jeff dunham is a cowardly racist, my blame-barrier puppet is

— vrunt (@vrunt) May 15, 2012

the secret to getting ahead in business is NETWORKING? i thought you said NOT WORKING. no wonder i’m fired.

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 18, 2012

romneys name their sons by throwing bill cosbys down the stairs

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 7, 2012

*knock knock* who’s there? “theres been a noise complaint” noise complaint who?

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 2, 2012

rt if you think george costanza was right about moops

— vrunt (@vrunt) March 12, 2012

remember in elementary school when kids with tastier lunches would spit on your lunch as a gift to give it some of their food’s flavors?

— vrunt (@vrunt) June 20, 2012

not to brag since some people could fill a stadium but its cool that if my followers went to olive garden the fire marshall would show up.

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 18, 2012

sorry that was convoluted. i’m trying to say its cool that the local fire marshall follows me on twitter.

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 18, 2012

okay the election is over but did they announce the winner of that paul ryan guitar yet

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 8, 2012

i had a really miserable shower because couldn’t get past “If you use my bodywash” in my Paul Simon parody.

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 2, 2012

the jerk store called they wanted me to come in early and cover your shift?

— vrunt (@vrunt) June 19, 2012

youtube’s Top Ten Alarm Clock Fails video is just pictures of people sleeping with captions like “owned.” underneath

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 2, 2012

beer for my horses.. and heres some bourbon for my pigs.. appletini for mrs sheep..

— vrunt (@vrunt) September 20, 2012

my hamburger sense is tingling (hamburger sense comes after i eat many burgers and it tingles in left arm and my chest hurt)

— vrunt (@vrunt) April 17, 2012

my stand up routines seem to go over well, except with audience members who watched the same King of Queens rerun as i did the night before.

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 1, 2012

if you give a man my wife, please for a day. if you teach a man to take my wife, please for a lifetime.

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 27, 2012

i scratch this into bathroom stalls: for a good time search “site:answers.yahoo.com sprems”

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 20, 2012

“good goin’ there einstein” “yeah way to go, einstein!” “nice move, einstein!” – the Einstein family reunion annual softball game

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 12, 2012

i called to make a sex appointment and she said she had a small opening

— vrunt (@vrunt) September 4, 2012

the lesser celebrated Zeppo and Gummo Romney

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 7, 2012

“what if you could SEE tweets” is as close as i can get to explaining the half-formed thought i just had

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 7, 2012

i can’t talk about my depression on here. how would a bunch of people on the internet be able to relate?

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 29, 2012

okay this has pissed me off long enough i have to say something: its A ROMNEY not AN ROMNEY. #tcot #grammar

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 6, 2012

hey nate pass the mashed potatoes “how” – sneak preview of my thanksgiving behavior

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 19, 2012

i just flew in to Syria and boy are my arms tied and i’m blindfolded

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 28, 2012

hi @five_guys thank you for always being there for me. are there any secret items not shown on your menu? asking for a friend.

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 8, 2012

theres a reason they call it a secret menu and that reason pisses me off

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 8, 2012

hail, satan. – weather channel thats on in hell and only the devil watches it i guess? i put very little thought into this one.

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 3, 2012

at dinner with my parents we pretended to have a conversation about politics but we were actually quoting the theme from All in the Family.

— vrunt (@vrunt) November 8, 2012

knock knock. what is a cat’s favorite video game console? sega saturn (sat on) ((cats like to sit on things))

— vrunt (@vrunt) September 10, 2012

@timheidecker just thought of an idea for your show. “tin heidecker”. sounds like something you guys would come up with. send free tshirt ok

— vrunt (@vrunt) December 1, 2009

why don’t mens colognes smell like flowers and girls smell like things men enjoy, like the pages of a new issue of @gameinformer

— vrunt (@vrunt) May 12, 2011

♪ And the man with the staff said “You shall not pass” and it turned into a Balrog blitz ♪

— vrunt (@vrunt) June 2, 2011

Sega put a real live monkey in a transparent ball and then had it euthanized. Least disappointing offering on display this year at E3. #e3

— vrunt (@vrunt) June 9, 2011

i’m syNTFSthetic and i can tell how much porno you view online just by checking the color of your cookies folder

— vrunt (@vrunt) July 16, 2011

Whats Got 2 Thumbs and Tenure? E342 Prof Harding will be chilling in the lecture hall. Prereqs: Bring pizza money + do whatever. 3 credits

— vrunt (@vrunt) April 9, 2012

i just rediscovered my collection of postsecret postcards that say “i never learned how to send things in the mail”

— vrunt (@vrunt) April 28, 2012

i showed up early first day of class and the professor has “Wikihow – How to teach a college course” open and showing on the projector.

— vrunt (@vrunt) October 14, 2012

girls want letterman jackets. no one is going to go steady with a loser like me who only has a conan o’brien tee shirt.

— vrunt (@vrunt) September 22, 2012

i’ll have a jack and coke but not in that order please.oh i’m sorry i didn’t understand the menu

— vrunt (@vrunt) August 3, 2012