Residents of New York, please be advised to be on the lookout for any suspicious criminal activity involving:

Treacherous Phil,
The Frowny Downers,
The Hitched Villians,
Their newborn son: Dylan Villain,
Benedict Arnold,
to a lesser extent, Benedict Ronald,
Duck Pond Draymond (IT IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE THAT YOU DO NOT ACCOMPANY THIS MAN TO THE DUCK POND),

Stabriella,
The Graveyard Guys,
Fresh Desi,
Croctor Dockodile,
The Doo-Delles,
MC Pust-A-Nut, and his wretched disgusting rap stylings
Any Citizens of Spiderville,
Rude Tutor,
ALL of the following gangs:
The Nativity Scenesters,
The Sons of Kettlemen,
The Quaran-Teens,
The Bully Bunch,
The Varicose Pains,
The Scarved Farleys,
Spite-Punx,
The Mahoganeers,
The Uptown Meanie-Breeders,
The Nesteens,
The H8-Maidens,
The Ne’er E’er Done Wells,

AND ALERT THE AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE…
Douglas P. Jugband and his Bar-B-Cue Bunch