I’m sick of getting messaged by all these fedora dweebs on OkCupid. Here are some of the worst losers who’ve messaged me.

Wow, didn’t think you were gonna molest me but now I do.

His interests include “supposing toeses are roses” and “singing in the rain.” Jesus Christ, Jazz Hands, get a new manic pixie dreamschtick.

 

He probably knows like fifty drug dealers.

 

Ew ew ew go back to Bushwick with your hipster glove.

 

Wish I could turn back time to before he invited me to his fortress of fapitude.

 

Fedora + t-shirt + sexual entitlement = probably still on MySpace.

 

Half his pics are him staring at his steampunk watch.

 

What a bridge-and-tunnel date rapist.

 

His favorite music section says that he plays one song on repeat all day. He invited me to start a “beautiful friendship” and you just know in a month he’ll complain about the “friend zone.”

 

I bet they wear those sunglasses indoors.

 

Tries to act like some adventurous guy but is just a creepy old history teacher.

 

Made a lot of offers that I gladly refused.

 

Bitch didn’t put a single actual photo on her profile. If you want anyone to meet you IRL, maybe give us a clue!

 

Dear shitfreak: incoherently rambling about circuses and sailors does not make you artistic, it makes you a juggalo. You needs a dog cone on your dick.