Colin Fitzpatrick

— 5 posts

Colin Fitzpatrick is a Internet lurker that lives in brooklyn. He tweets here and has a blog here.

8276 views, 1 comment

#WETLOOK: Safe-for-work porn. But definitely porn.

2012/12/19

A beautiful blonde wearing a red blazer, a black mini-skirt with dark L’Eggs underneath, a golden brooch, and white blouse walks up to the side of a pool near the stairs. Slowly she descends, fully clothed, into the water until she is fully submerged. She rises out of the water, all of her nice business wear soaking wet and ruined, and begins to swim around playfully.

If this scenario is something you find arousing, you might have developed an affinity for a niche fetish known as ‘wetlook.’ It looks like this (warning: it’s pretty unsexy for non-aficianados):

Watch the safe-for-work porn of clothed women in water. »
33049 views, 25 comments

Tila Tequila’s descent into conspiracy-theory madness

2012/11/02

This is not a joke piece. The story below is real. — Ed.

Is the following a quote from Left Behind or blog of a reality star from the mid 2000s?

This is a message to all the people of Jerusalem. I am the reincarnation of Melchizedek. Have been a lie to your own people and used a great many masquerading as a human led humanity to the world very dark and ugly. If you really believe that then you must believe me a message to all of you. I roll the real bodies of Melchizedek.

If you guessed a blog, you win! And bonus points if you guessed it was translated from Hebrew (I had to use Google Translate) from a post by Tila Tequila. This October, the former reality star has refocused her brand online as a “Freedom Fighter” against the Illuminati, Moon People, mind controlling frequencies, and a possible upcoming apocalypse.

Read about Tila’s descent into paranoia, possibly aggravated by true brain damage. »
633 views, No comments

Nancy Grace, Queen of Violent Hashtags

2012/09/21

In the 24 hours surrounding Tuesday September 18th, 73 tweets were logged under the discussion hashtag #TooFatToDie, with that number on the rise. Another hash, #BabySnatcher had logged 359 tweets, while the less popular infant related hashtag #BabyInDryer had only generated 58 tweets worth of online discussion. Sadly, out of all of these ridiculous hashtags, it appears people were least interested in in a dead pregnant woman, as #PregMomRunOver only carried 19 tweets.* While these microtrends aren’t large enough to merit a ton of notice, the fact that all of these hashtags are highly inorganic in their construction and sensational in subject matter makes it amazing that people are using them at all.

Read how Nancy Grace started these tags. »
4751 views, 6 comments

The Five-Flavor Takis Taste Test

2012/09/14

Hot Cheetos and Takis. That’s my favorite snack.

— Y.N. Rich Kids

Over 2.5 million viewers have watched “Hot Cheetos and Takis” over the past month and many have looked up at the sky and asked the god of all snacks, “Lord of snacks, what is a Taki?”

Takis are a corn chip snack from Mexican company Barcel, a division of the food conglomerate Grupo Bimbo, the same company known in the USA for selling Entenmann’s brand desserts. Takis come in five flavors: Guacamole, Salsa Brava, Crunchy Fajita, Fuego, and Nitro. The name Takis is derived from Taquitos, small rolled up tortillas with a meat or cheese filling that are fried and from which Takis derive their shape. While Takis are easy to find in the Southwest United States, in the North they are normally only found in Mexican specialty stores or bodegas that carry other imported snacks from Latin America.

I asked some neighbors who had never tried Takis to taste test each flavor. Do Takis live up to the hype?

Read the results of our Takis taste test. »
1863 views, 1 comment

Horse Girls Have Blogs Now, And They Still Get Mocked

2012/09/07

Jenny was a horse girl. We were in first grade. She once chased me around on the playground with a stick she had been chewing on. I went to one of her birthday parties once and she had paper plates with pretty prints of horses, a cake with a horse made of frosting, and cups with ponies dancing in circles. She dreamed of horses. She told us all about how one day she would have the most beautiful black horse kept in a stable that she had already picked out about 15 minutes outside of the city. She sometimes came to school smelling a little like piss. And all of us, like the cruel children we were, made fun of her non-stop.

Jenny was a horse girl, and if the internet had been around, she may have found solace online. Horse Girl Problems is a Tumblr that describes relatable moments for horse girls and sincerely answers questions posed by its feminine equestrian readership.

Source: Horse Girl Problems

And while most ‘___ problems’ blogs might be taken with a hint of irony, the audience at Horse Girl Problems sincerely relates to these text macros. The above was reblogged by user sparklyzombie with the response, “Cannot tell you how many times this happened to me…”

Source: Horse Girl Problems

So of course a parody has sprung up: Horse Girl Miracles. »