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My dear friends,
The internet is a marvelous place. How perfectly astounding it is to learn the secrets of the deepest jungles and most obscure Kardashians, all at the touch of a button! However, the “Condescending Wonka” meme has got me all wrong, and I’d like to set the record straight.
My protege, Charlie Bucket, insists that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and the Oompa-Loompas have warned me: “What do you get when you go to the press? / Reporters who question your business success.” But I simply cannot bear the idea that I would condescend to children, when in fact, I hold them to quite rigorous standards.
Take, for example, the golden-ticket holders… »
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