Robert Gunther

Can you believe there have already been two Abraham Lincoln movies out this year? When was the last time Abe made an appearance on the big screen?

I’m not going to look it up or anything, but I think it was Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, right? Doesn’t he come out at the end and say something like “Party on dudes!” I actually don’t remember. That movie came out when I was like three years old. I remember my parents rented it for me one time when I was maybe seven, but what’s the point of showing any movie to a seven-year-old? They’re not going to remember it, one. And two, do you think a little kid has the attention span necessary to comprehend exactly what’s going on? I still have no idea what that movie was about. I remember there was something about fixing that telephone booth with chewing gum. Maybe I wasn’t the brightest seven-year-old. Or maybe that movie didn’t have the most well-written script.

But this is all entirely beside the point. There have been two Lincoln movies this year. I can’t think of any other Lincoln movies besides some stoner comedy from twenty years ago. What I’m getting at is, let’s keep going with this before Lincoln mania dies out and we have to wait another four score before it’s hot again.

So far we’ve had a vampire movie and a serious biopic. I say next up we go for abstract sci-fi… »