Follow Friday

Follow Friday: @BestPornComment

BEST PORN COMMENTS finds and tweets the best non sequiturs, mush-mouthed appreciation, and body snarks left on internet porn.

The account started on April 1 with this:

https://twitter.com/BESTPORNCOMMENT/status/186455236209160194

Followed in two minutes by this:

https://twitter.com/BESTPORNCOMMENT/status/186455653206851584

And so on…

See the rest of Best Porn Comments’ best tweets. »
- - 2012/08/31 at 11:51 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 856 views
  - 1 comment
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: CoolAssMarvin

Twitter’s CoolAssMarvin is a lot like YouTube’s Hennessy Youngman: He’s smart, observant, witty, and he speaks in an “urban” patois. He’s a little like a black Mitch Hedburg.

And he’s got under 3,000 followers, so when you retweet him you will be an early-adopting tastemaker. You’ll be, like, the Pitchfork of Twitter users.

i dunno who da office-passive-aggressive-note-gangsta is in here, but they sick as hell of being the only one who refill the Splenda basket!

— marvin (@CoolAssMarvin) August 22, 2012

finance girl just look me up and down, lick her lips and say “have a good hump day marvin.” imma email HR. thats inappropriate in the office

— marvin (@CoolAssMarvin) August 22, 2012

yo, if anyone gonna flashrob a crate & barrel in the hartford area let me know. i needa new french press

— marvin (@CoolAssMarvin) August 8, 2011

Read more of Marvin’s tweets. »
- - 2012/08/24 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 358 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: @_Pandy

Andy Pandy is the author of the webcomic Pandyland, but he’s also funny on Twitter. He has a “British sense of humor,” which means sometimes he mentions things from England so I’m pretty sure he lives there.

hi @peta, i see that one of the hex color codes in your twitter background is “BEEEEF”, meat is murder, sort it out ok twitter.com/_Pandy/status/…

— Andy Pandy (@_Pandy) April 17, 2012

calling a dating site “okcupid” is kind of lame, like if google had called themselves “decentsearch” or amazon called themselves “somewater”

— Andy Pandy (@_Pandy) May 21, 2012

Read more of Pandy’s best tweets. »
- - 2012/08/17 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 194 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: Leanna Pupp

Leanna Pupp is a lot like the weirdo poet-joker crowd we’ve mostly featured here. Except at 131 followers, she’s a penny stock that’s gonna blow up, and you’ll be in on the ground floor and you can retire on all your faves.

*Batman voice* I’m a kawaii bitch

— leanna (@leannapup) August 8, 2012

SEXT: YOU’RE A SILVER MEDALIST AND I AM THE SILVER MEDAL. YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED TO SEE ME BUT I DON’T CARE BECAUSE I AM A PRECIOUS METAL

— leanna (@leannapup) August 7, 2012

Read more of Leanna’s tweets. »
- - 2012/08/10 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 198 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: @Mxrk

His name is Mark, spelled ɱхяƙ. He tells stories. He’s also an impeccable, poetic blogger and illustrator.

Urkel is drafted and sent to war. He misses Laura badly. He shoots a man from a great distance. The moment hangs in time. Did I… do that?

— ɱхяƙ (@Mxrk) January 6, 2012

Call Pizza Hut and have it delivered to you at a Whole Foods and just stand there and eat it in front of God and everyone.

— ɱхяƙ (@Mxrk) September 15, 2011

Read more of Mxrk’s tweets. »
- - 2012/07/20 at 1:54 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 444 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Failed Follow Friday: @Utilitylimb

You can follow Utilitylimb, a demon-being who has been faved by Colson Whitehead, and hope he (demons are all male) comes back to Twitter. But on May 3, just short of his 666th tweet, he disappeared. He’s gone to some other dimension. So here’s an all-time best-of:

“anyone hear about this new ipad?” [jay leno pauses] “anyone hear anything at all?” [jay wanders the desolate cities. even the wind is gone]

— bandit (@UtilityLimb) April 17, 2012

i’m not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone’s around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels & mysteries*

— bandit (@UtilityLimb) September 27, 2011

Special Buy Nothing Day Sale!! Great Deals On: [ HOLES | VOIDS | SILENCE | NUMBNESS ] whisper coupon code “hello?” into a disconnected phone

— bandit (@UtilityLimb) November 25, 2011

See the rest of Utilitylimb’s best tweets. »
- - 2012/06/22 at 4:41 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 771 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: 000___000

@000___000 is Steven-Wrighty: Mostly a “funny thought” recontextualizer, with some wordplay and absurdity, but sometimes topical.

My daughter said yesterday, ominously and with regard to trees: “They’re not like us.”

— 000___000 (@000___000) November 18, 2011

Take comfort in the fact that of all the many things in life which can kill you only one of them actually will kill you.

— 000___000 (@000___000) February 10, 2012

All life is suffering. Suffering comes from desire. The cessation of suffering is attainable but you’re gonna need a shitload of cash & guns

— 000___000 (@000___000) June 11, 2012

See more of the best 000___000 tweets. »
- - 2012/06/15 at 3:29 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 237 views
  - 3 comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: @Bransonbranson

Alex Branson‘s jokes indicate a deep understanding of the internet’s vernacular, the ways we actually end up talking and interpreting words online. That sounds dry, but I’m talking about forum wars and sexts:

*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes… time to text some girls the word ‘hey’ and only the word ‘hey’

— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) October 18, 2011

(Would Sonic’s Dick Be Blue or Tan Like His Tummy Is) Viewing Discussion Page 307 of 1,108. “Fuck You Reagan actually cared about America–”

— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) May 23, 2012

By Deleting My Facebook I Will Prove That I Am The Thomas Pynchon Of My Generation

— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) February 4, 2012

Read more of @bransonbranson’s best tweets. »
- - 2012/06/08 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 569 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: @MottRomney2012

@MottRomney2012 is equal parts political candidate, cyborg and Egyptian hawk deity. But more than anything, he’s an AMERICAN. The only question is: can his bizarre rants about “Oboama” and the failings of the “U.A.S.” government score him some write-in votes this November?

https://twitter.com/MottRomney2012/status/206052597164027904

https://twitter.com/MottRomney2012/status/197812582680244224

https://twitter.com/MottRomney2012/status/207501956246286336

Read more tweets from the president of the Fifth World. »
- - 2012/06/01 at 11:08 am
  - by Alex Moschina
- - 477 views
  - 1 comment
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Follow Friday: @aRealLiveGhost

@aRealLiveGhost reminds me of classic sad-funny blog Girls Are Pretty. People with Achewood avatars fave her.

She also has a great Tumblr. She makes poetry out of horse_ebooks tweets.

bill would you just eat the goddamn beans twitter.com/aRealLiveGhost…

— kimmy (@aRealLiveGhost) January 17, 2012

if you watch the world backwards it’s about a bunch of animals having sex until there are none left. that’s also what it’s about forwards

— kimmy (@aRealLiveGhost) May 6, 2012

your body is a ghost factory that takes one lifetime to produce a ghost

— kimmy (@aRealLiveGhost) April 2, 2012

Read a dozenish more tweets from aRealLiveGhost. »
- - 2012/05/25 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 614 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday