Siri considers her mortality.
Previously: Nick and Siri make cocktails.
In the movies, the act of taking a life is best celebrated immediately before taking that life.
We didn’t make this supercut, YouTube’s ziccup did. We just respect it deeply.
This video is from UCB, but it’s not a “wakka wakka” joke, it’s just a good story, charmingly dramatized with shadow puppets.
It’s from a monthly UCB East series by Todd Bieber called Animated Stories. Audience members tell stories, then the best one gets animated for YouTube.
There’s an Animated Stories show this Saturday! So that is a thing you could do if you live in New York City.
The following isn’t timely; a lot of you have known it for two decades. Too bad.
I didn’t watch much Fresh Prince so I forgot about Hilary’s boyfriend Trevor, who proposed to her while bungee-jumping on live TV, and how that turned out.
Aggravatingly, embedding is disabled. So click and watch the video, then come back.
Ha ha ha! What funny slapstick! He fell to the ground! Aunt Viv tries to hide it from Ashley! They keep running jokes after the accident. Comedy! Laughtrack!
Turns out Trevor died. Cool prayers, Uncle Phil.
While Hilary was playing dumb about the President so we could keep laughing, her boyfriend was dead. She just watched him die on live television. Later she brings back the wrong ashes from the crematorium, where he was presumably sent because his earth-buffeted body was too mangled for a proper burial.
This is a story all about how her life got flipped, turned upside down. She’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, she’ll tell you how she became queen of a town called despair.
The Evil Genie grants three wishes a week. Leave a wish in the comments!
RightOne wishes: I wish I could be a hologram like Tupac.
The Evil Genie replies: Okay, you’re a hologram, like Tupac. Here’s the thing about being careful what you wish for — sometimes we don’t even understand what we’re wishing for.
Sometimes, when we look at a happy couple and wish that we could have what they have, we don’t know that what they have is a miserable relationship where she feels unfulfilled and leaves drunk voicemails on her ex-boyfriend’s phone and he calls her “mustache” to his friends and tells his parents not to worry about him “settling down” anytime soon. Sometimes, when we think about a dream job we wish that we could have, we don’t know that the position entails such intense commitment, focus, and hard work that all other parts of that Vice President of Accounts or Senior Consultant or Captain of the Air Hockey Team’s life are basically memories, and that the inevitable failure tied to the position has crushed the careers of much more capable employees. Sometimes, when we wish we could be a hologram like Tupac, we don’t already know that Tupac is a hologram.
Jesus, the “that moment when” animated GIF fad is really getting out of hand. They used to be all fun and cute, like the stories about crushes and BFFs on That’s So True or Totally-Relatable. But the kids are getting way darker! Look at this GIF story:
And that’s the least depressing one.
A recent AskReddit thread titled Throwaway time! What’s your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? got people creating temporary accounts, then confessing their deepest, darkest secrets. The results ranged from creepy-but-cute, to fascinating, to horrifying.
I hope to walk you through that gigantic thread, because there were so many weird confessions, and browsing the comments on Reddit is time-consuming. Consider this a highlight reel of car crashes, I guess. I’m your Virgil, guiding you through Hell and Purgatory. I’m not condoning any of this, but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t fascinating.
Another thing about this thread: It’s uncommon to see this level of honesty anywhere. People created (relatively) anonymous accounts and dumped their secrets onto the internet for everyone to see, with many posters saying they’d never shared their secrets with anyone before. This thread was exhausting to read, and with recent research suggesting that we, as people, carry secrets not just as emotional burdens, but as physical ones as well, at least now I understand why.
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