What if the people in the SkyMall catalog hung out?
Posts Tagged drunk
Ever notice how everyone in Pawnee has a drinking problem?
You know the feeling: Dry mouth, splitting headache, sore muscles, general dizziness and nausea. Be grateful for your hangover. If things got seriously weird, you could wake up with something much worse.
Redditor ompalompa911 asked, “What’s the weirdest scenario you have ever woken up to after drinking?” The answers were both astonishing and hilarious, and showed a certain drunken fascination with food and travel. Ompalompa911 gets things started:
One night, I came home from a party. For some reason, I get really hungry when I’m drunk, so I decided to make myself some food. I found a frozen pizza and put it in the oven, on top of a some newspaper to avoid messing up the oven. It seemed pretty logical at that point. I turned around, slicing up some bacon to put on the frozen pizza. I cut myself pretty badly while doing this, but I didn’t notice. I heard a sound, so I turned around. It’s the paper in the oven, burning. This is all I can remember.
I wake up to my mom shouting. I’m on the floor of my kitchen. Around me is what looks like some sort of satanic food-ritual. There are ashes and blood in a circle around me. I had seemingly tried to put out the burning paper with my bleeding hands. Bacon and a halfway-done frozen pizza are formed to some sort of a mattress under me, and for some reason my pants are halfway down my legs.
The_dayman found his nemesis:
I once woke up with a girl I didn’t know and two of my fingers were broken. I didn’t ask her name and just dropped her off, so I’ll never really know what happened. A month later I woke up with her again and had to go to the hospital because my foot was still bleeding. Still don’t know her name, but she may be a harbinger of my death.
A lot of advice meme practitioners on Reddit seem to disdain child-based memes, in a way that, say, Tumblr doesn’t. I get it partly — they rehash the same “this little piggy” and “pooped my pants” jokes. But every meme’s repetitive.
It smacks of “look at my cute kid”-ism, maybe? And the single-male cohort of Reddit looks down on those who have chosen to spill their seed into a woman, fertilely.
Well, other Redditors make them anyway, and Drunk Baby is funny.
Everyone has that story. That one time you (or a friend) got kicked out of a bar, or a store, or Mexico. Redditors have been sharing their tales of banishment, and while some are silly, others are utterly bizarre. We’ve gathered together the highlights for you here, starting with one from distortednet, who shares a story about his uncle that is frustratingly short on details:
My uncle is banned from the state of Arkansas for firing a cannon in the middle of town. It was just gunpowder, no round.
Not too sure how he got a hold of a cannon, though.
One of Spartannia‘s friends managed to get banned from Libera without ever going there:
Friend of mine got banned from Liberia in high school. He was prank-calling embassies and they got pissed. Thank goodness he got a busy signal when he tried Russia.
You know that thing where you get utterly drunk and you read some internet and every little thing makes you go
What happens if you do that and you’re still drunk the next morning and you edit a site where you post all the things you like on the internet?
AMERICA IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT