Posts Tagged “novels”

“You’re tearing this family apart,” Matriarch Sonic told Tails, “with your shitty Christmas gifts of single rings wrapped in aluminum foil.” “It’s your fault!” said Tails. “You’re the subject of too many satirical National Novel Writing Month tweets!” Sonic almost smacked Tails across the face, but s/he knew it to be true. S/he and her/is fedora were bringing shame upon their suburban dynasty.

They barely calmed down for Thanksgiving dinner, both staring at their phones reading Slacktory’s picks of the best #NaNoWriMoOpeners tweets. They’d already devoured volume 1, and they now dug into the second course.

By 1:46 pm, John Hedge had sprayed Ebola on every cream dispenser in every Starbucks in Manhattan. #NaNoWriMoOpeners

— colson whitehead (@colsonwhitehead) November 1, 2012

“Make MY monster grow!” Lord Zed roared as he and Rita did the sex. #NaNoWriMoOpeners

— ghost (@DoubleWizard) November 1, 2012

A mix of friction and sweat from our rad sex had worn down her pubic hair. It looked like it spelled some words. “El Barto”#NaNoWriMoOpeners

— ＳＴＵＮＦＩＳＫ ＣＬＡＵＳ (@stunfisk_ebooks) November 1, 2012

Read many more excellent NaNoWriMo jokes. »

I strapped another BatoPak to my fingers. It had been a hard month writing Future Articles for Future Slacktory, the last comedy blog on the internet after everyone realized CollegeHumor was made of stupidheads.

I took a break to read the #NaNoWriMoOpeners tweets that made fun of National Novel Writing Month. They were all good. But maybe if I trimmed away the redundant ones and picked the very best, I could survive another day in the War on Things I Don’t Like.

Mitt Romney lathered up his perfect body with soap he made from the bones of his enemies. “Normal person, normal person.” #NaNoWriMoOpeners

— brendle what (@brendlewhat) November 1, 2012

#NaNoWriMoOpeners I was alienated for being straight when the gays took over so i went searching for a giant whale. Call me Cismael.

— George Chrimbus Bush (@hamsandcastle) November 1, 2012

Mrs. Dalloway said she would fight the cyborgs herself. #NaNoWriMoOpeners

— A.S. Paul (@aspaul) November 1, 2012

See hecka more #NaNoWriMoOpeners jokes. »