NBC called. It wants its office satire back.
Posts Tagged offices
1. Start by placing the tie around your neck so that the wide end hangs down about a foot lower than the narrow end.
2. Quickly but thoroughly die on the inside. Actually feel your soul draining from your body and dripping out of your pores like sweat.
3. Next, take the wide end and pull it across the narrow end.
4. All of the other men in the office wear ties. In fact, it’s specifically mandated in the Employee Handbook under “Dress Code,” subsection “Males.” But the other men’s ties are always nicer than yours; made of finer quality material, comprised of richer hues, featuring repeated arrays of distinguished polo players or exotic animals. These are elegant ties with knots so intricate you wouldn’t even know how to begin replicating them. Your tie looks like the Men’s Department at Target took a shit on your chest.
I sometimes chat with a funny guy who has an office job. This is his latest story, translated from IMs.
Uuuugh duuude. I have been doing 12-13 hour days the last couple days, to work on a bloated, redundant project pitch.
Like, imagine you were going to work on a movie. And this was just after Jaws came out.
And you were going to be on a team to make a totally kickass monster movie — but then the executive producer says “Nah we can’t do that stuff. Your monster’s basically a shark.” And you realize “Fuck, I’m just making Jaws again.”
That’s this project. Shitty Jaws.
The following are real reactions to a real conference call, IMed to me by a friend at a terrible office job. This authorized series will recur every time he suffers such a meeting. — Ed.
Guy on this call just said “could you add a little more flavor?” To a webpage.
And it sounds like someone else on the call has a baby? And is driving a car with the windows down? Look out for your baby!
Oh lord. Developer asks good question. Product manager gives him very condescending rephrasing of his question. Rephrasing is incorrect. Developer asks again. I die inside.